Have
you ever been sitting and wondering of something funny to tweet on
twitter, or facebook for that matter. Well here is a list of funny
sayings, and updates to post. You will be having every one commenting on
your post, or re-posting. Here is another list of "30 top facebook status updates" that is just as funny as this list.
I am also taking into knowledge that there are plenty of other funny tweets lists out there and I'm glad you came to mine! I will eventually write 75 more tweets - Making the total up to 100. I just have to be active on twitter and start seeing some funny tweets.
I give you full permission to post these, and hope that you enjoy reading these 25 hilarious tweets that I have posted. By the way, if you have any that you want to add, just comment in the section below! With out any further ado, here is our list:
I am also taking into knowledge that there are plenty of other funny tweets lists out there and I'm glad you came to mine! I will eventually write 75 more tweets - Making the total up to 100. I just have to be active on twitter and start seeing some funny tweets.
I give you full permission to post these, and hope that you enjoy reading these 25 hilarious tweets that I have posted. By the way, if you have any that you want to add, just comment in the section below! With out any further ado, here is our list:
List
Lets start our list of funny tweets and you can start laughing!
1) Why do you press harder on the remote when the battery is almost dead?
2) Without me its just AWESO
3) Always remember that you are unique, just exactly like everyone else
4) Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plan your revenge!
5) The worst part about looking for a job is finding one.
6) If you say greenbeans REALLY slow, it almost sounds like gullible.
7) I used to have a drinking problem, now I love the stuff.
8) I got some new underwear. Well, it was new underwear from me!
9) People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against __________ツ
10) Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
11) I wonder if horses want to eat us when they're hungry.
12) They have a new device that translates dolphins clicking into English, when interviewed, they said "%#$@ BP!"
13) If electricity comes from electrons, does mortality come from morons.
14) I found Jesus...in my trunk at the border...
15) Not at the table Carlos...
16) If I worked in a restaurant chances are likely I'd dump rust into the ice machine.
17) People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do, wish I was.
18) Dear customer service: First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.
19) It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
20) Was that an earthquake? Or did I just rock your world?
21) Everything looks different today. I think the humidity warped my contacts.
22) Time to hit the reset button on the number of days it's been since I've seen a homeless guy taking a s*** while eating an apple.
23) The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct. Why? BP.
24) I'm not falling again for the 5-year-old's "eat some spaghetti" trick. It's always Play-Doh. But this fried egg looks delicious. Oh, damn.
25) I will leave this up to who ever leaves the best comment... I will also leave your username.
I hope you have enjoyed these funny tweets and I will soon be writing a newer article that has 100 tweets in it.
1) Why do you press harder on the remote when the battery is almost dead?
2) Without me its just AWESO
3) Always remember that you are unique, just exactly like everyone else
4) Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plan your revenge!
5) The worst part about looking for a job is finding one.
6) If you say greenbeans REALLY slow, it almost sounds like gullible.
7) I used to have a drinking problem, now I love the stuff.
8) I got some new underwear. Well, it was new underwear from me!
9) People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against __________ツ
10) Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
11) I wonder if horses want to eat us when they're hungry.
12) They have a new device that translates dolphins clicking into English, when interviewed, they said "%#$@ BP!"
13) If electricity comes from electrons, does mortality come from morons.
14) I found Jesus...in my trunk at the border...
15) Not at the table Carlos...
16) If I worked in a restaurant chances are likely I'd dump rust into the ice machine.
17) People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do, wish I was.
18) Dear customer service: First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.
19) It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
20) Was that an earthquake? Or did I just rock your world?
21) Everything looks different today. I think the humidity warped my contacts.
22) Time to hit the reset button on the number of days it's been since I've seen a homeless guy taking a s*** while eating an apple.
23) The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct. Why? BP.
24) I'm not falling again for the 5-year-old's "eat some spaghetti" trick. It's always Play-Doh. But this fried egg looks delicious. Oh, damn.
25) I will leave this up to who ever leaves the best comment... I will also leave your username.
I hope you have enjoyed these funny tweets and I will soon be writing a newer article that has 100 tweets in it.
More funny tweets
I
have decided to add more tweets on this page because of how popular
this article has gotten. Feel free to leave a comment below and I will
add your name and your funny tweet here. I have been on twitter for a
few months and gathered up this list:
26) Joke's on you skinny people, my iPad fits just fine in my back pocket.
27) The human body is basically flavored water.
28) It's all fun and games until you lose your wifi signal.
29) "Let's get ready to bumble!!!" - Bees
30) I'm no meteorologist, but I'm washing my car so there's a 97% chance of rain.
31) "I don't have time for Twitter" is the new "I don't own a television."
32) It's not the "My boobs are bigger than yours'" taunt, It's just the way my brother says it.
33) This drought is great. It's like having a giant Instagram filter for my lawn.
34) "I'm such a dirty, dirty girl" sounds a lot better than "Too lazy to shower."
35) I perfected the art of swilling so that nobody could say I have a drinking problem.
36) {} Democrat Party. {} Republican Party. {x} PIZZA PARTY!!!
37) The walk of shame you do to pick up your paper Basketball you missed.
38) My TV remote is now named Waldo for obvious reasons.
39) Respect your parents. They had to do homework without Google!
40) What has two wings and a halo? Nope, not an Angel. A Chinese Phone. *wing* *wing* "Halo?"
That's my list for now. I will constantly be updating this list and hopefully by the end of the year it will be up to 100! All of the tweets I find are new when I post them and some of them I think of myself. I give you permission you post these and use them, and you don't have to give credit to me as I think humor should be free! Thanks for reading and I hoped you had a good laugh.
26) Joke's on you skinny people, my iPad fits just fine in my back pocket.
27) The human body is basically flavored water.
28) It's all fun and games until you lose your wifi signal.
29) "Let's get ready to bumble!!!" - Bees
30) I'm no meteorologist, but I'm washing my car so there's a 97% chance of rain.
31) "I don't have time for Twitter" is the new "I don't own a television."
32) It's not the "My boobs are bigger than yours'" taunt, It's just the way my brother says it.
33) This drought is great. It's like having a giant Instagram filter for my lawn.
34) "I'm such a dirty, dirty girl" sounds a lot better than "Too lazy to shower."
35) I perfected the art of swilling so that nobody could say I have a drinking problem.
36) {} Democrat Party. {} Republican Party. {x} PIZZA PARTY!!!
37) The walk of shame you do to pick up your paper Basketball you missed.
38) My TV remote is now named Waldo for obvious reasons.
39) Respect your parents. They had to do homework without Google!
40) What has two wings and a halo? Nope, not an Angel. A Chinese Phone. *wing* *wing* "Halo?"
That's my list for now. I will constantly be updating this list and hopefully by the end of the year it will be up to 100! All of the tweets I find are new when I post them and some of them I think of myself. I give you permission you post these and use them, and you don't have to give credit to me as I think humor should be free! Thanks for reading and I hoped you had a good laugh.
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